Why I Created The Feely Human Collective
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When you think about the times you’ve been able to sit still with your feelings, be curious about your emotions, and find perspective and meaning in that process, what is present in each of those moments for you?
For me, it’s safety.
Creating a Safe Space
I’d imagine that safety is a part of it for you too. There’s a reason why it’s tops on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
When we don’t feel safe — safe in our relationships, safe in our communities, safe in our friend groups — there is very little (if any) room for growth. Without the safety that empathy, compassion, love, respect, and community bring, it’s like we’re untethered buoys bobbing up and down in a sea of blood-thirsty sharks.
But with safety, our hearts can sing.
The Feely Human Collective was built to foster that safety — to allow each of us the empowered opportunity to look inward, to relate and connect to others, to embrace ourselves for who we all are, deep down: feely humans.
But building a safe space takes work. It requires leading by our hearts. It requires us to show up for each other without judgment or pre-conceptions. It requires us to see each other for who we are.
Safety is about acceptance, mutual love, reciprocal vulnerability, and an authentic desire to connect, grow, relate, and learn.
Safety is about knowing and valuing the intrinsic fact that we are all, simultaneously, wonderfully unique and human — in this wild wonder of a journey together.
So, that’s the first part of why I created The Feely Human Collective: to create a safe space.
The other part of the puzzle is in the mission of FHC, which is:
To promote and instill empathy, vulnerability, and emotional wayfinding as foundational components of the human experience.
Empathy, Vulnerability, and Emotional Wayfinding
In my experience, when we talk about mental health, we don’t talk enough about empathy, vulnerability, and emotional wayfinding — three fundamental core human experiences if I personally hadn’t explored . . . I wouldn’t be here today.
There are so many amazing organizations out there reducing stigma around mental health conditions, so many wonderful feely humans doing tremendous work in moving the needle in mental health awareness, but there’s something missing for me in the mental health world at large.
And it starts with the first part of our mission:
Empathy.
Consider the definition of empathy:
“The ability to identify with or understand another’s situation or feelings.”
It’s putting ourselves in the shoes of another. It’s relating to a story because we’ve been there before. That’s an outward empathy.
And then there’s inward empathy — how we look inwardly at ourselves. Empathy goes both ways! And we have to start with ourselves if we’re going to be able to give empathy to others.
During the heyday of my Anorexia, in my late teens and early twenties, I didn’t know how to give myself empathy. I was so broken and lost and barely hanging on. I avoided emotions. And I was deeply stuck in self-hatred.
The one thing I “had going for me” was this thimble of control I felt I had, which manifested in years of restricting, cutting, and suicidality.
(You can read more about my experience with my eating disorder here.)
My wakeup call came in the form of a Welsh doctor telling me my heart would stop unless I started eating and taking care of myself.
Let me tell you. I had ZERO idea how to take care of myself. But, I knew I didn’t want to die. So, as I started to eat again, I also started writing, reading, and looking inward into my heart. For the first time in my life, I was trying to listen, intently and without judgment, to the stirrings of this magical maroon muscle in my chest.
Can we just take a moment here, together, to give ourselves some gratitude for our hearts? Love you, heart!
Anywhoozles, during this seeking journey, I started to finally come into my own. I was finding my footing in the world. I was realizing who I truly was. And in that, I was finally able to give myself kindness. While I still struggle with the self-defeating and limiting behavior, because of the work I’ve done (hello, therapy, my sweet love!) over the past 15 years, I often know where it’s coming from and have the safety of knowing that I’ve been there before and can go through it again.
Without the empathy I’ve learned to give myself, I wouldn’t be able to give empathy to others — which has been such a fruitful part of my journey the last two years running You, Me, Empathy. When we show up for others, heart open, we give them space to heal, to reflect, to relate to our stories.
When we struggle with our mental health, there’s a natural human tendency to feel like we’re the only ones struggling. Suddenly, we’re all alone on an island, and think that NO ONE NOT EVER can relate to the pain we’re experiencing.
But that simply isn’t true. The truth is that we are not alone. You are not alone. And it’s empathy that can bridge that divide.
Another piece of the puzzle is:
Vulnerability.
Vulnerability is so hot right now (channeling Zoolander). It is hot, as it should be. As the unparalleled Brene Brown says,
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy — the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
If any of Brene’s posse are reading this, my many emails to get Brene on You, Me, Empathy are a sign of my love — and general pestiness. :D
Without vulnerability, we don’t have empathy. There are connected. Best buddies. Peanut butter and jelly. Think about it: Empathy, as mentioned before, requires showing up for others, and showing up for ourselves honestly, and with an open heart.
Vulnerability is about accepting our unique and beautiful selves for who we are.
Vulnerability is about letting the light in through the cracks, seeing ourselves not as these perfect creatures forged in Instagram’s corporate algorithm, but as reflections of this wild, wondrous, awe inspiring, full of ups and downs and tos and fros UNIVERSE we call home.
Vulnerability is about having the courage to look inward.
And that leads me to the last part, which is:
Emotional Wayfinding.
In Moana, there’s a scene toward the end where Moana and her village are shown sailing out in the open waters on these beautiful handcrafted boats. The “wayfinding” here is referring to the ancient Polynesian way of navigating vast oceans through knowledge of the stars above and the waters below. It’s so freaking cool. And I’m goose-bumped all over just thinking about it. I love Moana :D
Fun fact: The adventurous Polynesian people may have even beaten Europeans to the Americas.
When I am referring to wayfinding, I like to think of it in the Moana way, just maybe fewer pruney fingers? Less ocean wayfinding, and more emotional wayfinding!
Simply put, emotional wayfinding is being curious about our emotions, accepting our emotions as valid, and learning to navigate our emotions and see them as guideposts on our journey. It’s not easy. That’s why it’s wayfinding. It’s an adventure. Sometimes there will be bumps along the way. Sometimes our boat will take on water. But our north star remains steadfast:
We are emotional beings, and the more attuned to our emotions we are, the greater capacity for love, connection, joy, self-acceptance, empathy, vulnerability, self-actualization, inner peace, and growth we have.
I mean, I’m getting emotional writing this! And it feels so good :D
So that’s why I created The Feely Human Collective. For safety. For empathy. For vulnerability. For emotional wayfinding.
For you, feely human. We’re in this thing together, and I can’t wait to make the world more feely with you by my side.
